NOT FEELING ANY GUILT ABOUT EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR: By Portia E. Anthony..

This story is a real life experience of a married woman to my friend "Portia" on Facebook, these conversation was between the two of them "Via Inbox", the lady in particular wants to know the opinions of others in her act of having closure in her marital life.It goes thus:

https://www.facebook.com/PerisCorner?ref=hl

Away from the lies about Assets declaration I am done with it. It is something more pressing and profound I need to tackle now.

It is amazing what my fb friends can feel confident to chat with about, I am grateful for the vote of confidence, though. By the way the lady with this story does not mind me talking about it here as she wants to sample opinions she would be reading along so don't feel away in any way, bare your mind she's an adult and can handle it all.

For some, an affair provides something lacking in their own marriage, which could be sex, emotions or mental stimulation. This woman came chatting with me last night we were at it till about 2 am this morning she needed someone to talk to. Sisters are also doing it for themselves and answering the clarion call, it takes two to tango no more dulling.

"I love my husband deeply and can't dream of any other man in my life. Unfortunately, he has hurt me a lot and for years I have been deep in this pain not knowing what to do. Sex was the first thing that ran out of the window, as I don't want to lead the life of a nun; I am young and have my desires, so if it's another man that excites me and gives what I want, I am simply going to have a go at it" 

Hmmm! I heaved a sigh of relief.

What happened? I asked.

"I married my husband as a virgin at 22 and I have never had sex with any other man in my life, he was 30 and had so many affairs before finally marrying me. He married me because I was a virgin but looking at it today I am wondering did he really love me or he wanted that feather on his cap that he deflowered me? If he did love me he would not be hurting me so much, my sister do you know that in 25 years of being married to this man, my first child is 23 now the man has fathered two other children outside this marriage?"

For real? I exclaimed in disgust.

Infidelity is perhaps as old as marriage itself and predates the advent of religion. And, along with the growing culture of cheating spouses, there are some partners who remain blissfully unaware of any damage to their marriage because they believe marriage is for better or for worse and this culture seems to affect women more because of their religious beliefs. My take and research. Don't listen to me.

"In 25 years he has made money thanks to me and I have gained weight that now turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was one of the casualties of Oceanic Bank since then I have not got any other job apart from be selling commodities for Proctor & Gamble as an agent. My husband suddenly became very wealthy I lack nothing but I am not happy"

Did you say gaining weight became a blessing in disguise? I asked naively.

She interjected......."If I didn't gain this weight and decided to do something about it rather than sit and be crying over a man that has no time for me sexually I would not have had the need to go and enrol in the gym" I read your posts every day religiously and I really admire you. I have wished I could be like you and can write so well.

There was an article you wrote about self-esteem last year that made me to realise that I was not living but merely surviving. You said on that article that 'if you don't love yourself first, you can't love another." That article got me thinking so much about my life and changed my perception about a lot of things around me. My sister, you don't even know what you have been doing to people. I am a witness." In her own words.

Wow! I hope you are not attributing this marriage issues to my article o! 

"No! not at all but I picked the courage to go and do something about my situation. I went to the university whilst married and even in those days that guys used to chase me because I am quite good looking and I can present myself well. Even then I never thought of cheating on my husband because I loved him so much the thought of another man touching me was like nonsense. My father, you know these religious people and how they carry on. He was a staunch Salvation Army pastor he also made us believe that infidelity was a one-way ticket to hell, but my husband that we met at the same Church instead of suffering is flourishing" 

"Well, to cut the long story short, I am having an affair with my fitness instructor. I have lost over three stones I am back now in good form, in fact, I am at my element. One day I realised he took a special interest in me and after the sessions he would follow me to the car park.

So, one day he entered the car as we were talking, he touched me and kissed me and what I felt I have never felt in my entire life. He made me drove to a quiet place and there in the car he taught me what my husband never taught me in all the years that I have been married to him. You see my sister I don't even feel guilty about allowing this person touch my body anyhow, I allow him explore my body like no other and I have realised now that I should have done all these before getting married. So, if it's good for him it must be also good for me." She smirked!

"He is married too, but I don't care as I am not willing to leave my husband, I would stay married for as long as and I would continue doing this guy too for as long as he wants to do me and I don't want him to stop to be honest."

But my problem with him is because he realised I love what he does to me he is too demanding always asking for something and demanding for money, now he wants me to buy him a car. I don't have that kind of money and I am afraid he may leave me because of that."

Na wa o! I was listening without saying a word. I am not in her shoes so I can't judge nor advise her. All I said was that she should be careful and take things easy with lover-boy. 

Interestingly, the Infidelity Facts website states that up to 41 percent of spouses who cheat actually admit to their affairs. "It's nothing new, but more in the open now," 

I am not in support of infidelity in any form of manner especially if you are getting what you bargained for in your marriage, but if after going through what she said she's has been and still going through and knowing it is everyone's world, not that stupid belief that it is a man's world, I could not tell her to stop what she was doing. She didn't ask for my advice but rather telling me her story and her journey so far.

Many men who are prone to experimenting, and skirting chasing, do it guilt-free as long as they're meeting "responsibilities" in the domestic front. This is my take. I have seen the most suppose perfect couples; they made the most brilliant hosts at parties and seemed inseparable. Later, the husband was seen romancing other women without a care in the world. So, I can't really say much to this woman. If sex which bonds and provides affection in a relationship is gone and the man is getting it somewhere else, he is playing a very dangerous game because most women can do these things even better.

This is what my friend Dayo once told me when I confronted him about his shenanigan......."Portia, I love my wife, but since we have been married for so long, sex and its excitement has gone, it is now more of a routine. I am a so bored and even when I try to rejig the excitement she is so rigid and all religious-like. I need that excitement, my body, soul and spirit needs it. I love her as the mother of my kids, but that excitement left with the birth of the kids.

My bit on the side is very exciting, she accompanies me on my official trips as we can spend time exclusively and do those things I wish I could do with my wife. I am enjoying it while it lasts so I won't stop, your friend has become so rigid. Let her not complain I give her all that a loving husband would, but my girlfriend is my ideal companion and lover, since, one can't marry everyone they love, right?" Men hmmm! It's only sex he added.

So, in this woman's voice I am also saying it's only sex na! After all she said she is not leaving her marriage as she still loves her husband.

It's complicated.